by Daddy and BabyGirl
It is best, I think, to view our lives together as stepping stones to now. We shouldn’t regret them nor forget them but respect that they are the path to our current stone. We have both stepped on the slick side of a stone, yet we still walk together.
Letting go of ego can be painful and extremely hard, but it allows the past to fall away and the future to loom up over and consume us. We have all done things that we could wish to change. That is human. To relive the emotion of those things is different than remembering what we would change if we could. The emotion is best left in the past so the future isn’t tainted with past hurts.
It’s very painful and very hard to let go of ego. I have a big ego, probably quite large for a woman. I take great pride in my accomplishments, but I down play my failures. An accomplishment is of average importance if there has been little failure. Even on a subconscious level I have laid blame; “I react because of…” The reality is that I react and I have a propensity to react badly. There is cause and effect in everything however when I remove ego it becomes much clearer in my mind and my heart. I fail.
Living right now, feeling right now and loving right now… I can because I have lived with the pain of my own failure. It is so very hard to admit wrongs, dishonesty, lack of trust and jealousy; I am admitting those, taking responsibility for my shortcomings and failures.
I am no longer laying blame, giving an excuse or omitting those things that my ego plays upon. In that I can free myself of the emotions of past failure. I am all I have ever been; a failure, accomplished, saddened, joyful, in-love, lonely, happy and loved. I am all of them and more but I got here by admitting that I am all of them.
This is a journey that we are taking together. There is no “I” in our name. We are experiencing our roles together, finding what works and what doesn’t. Our roles do not fit most of the “models” we have read about. We may be the “model” for a different kind of relationship. Our life together has been long, we’ve done things we could wish to change and things we could wish would never end. To build from here we have to start again, by remembering old hurts and failures, ego and distrust but leaving the emotions out of the memories. The only way to accomplish this is with honesty and communication.